The Holidays have snuck up on us again, as they seem to every year, and with them a variety of emotions can surface. Holidays promote tradition and family and for many of us this sparks conflicting feelings. The conflict arises because the holidays are supposed to be the best time of the year, yet the holidays can remind us of what has and has not changed in our relationships. We might be reminded that our extended family still creates stress and anxiety that we thought we had overcome. The holiday could highlight how overwhelmed and exhausted you are and your partner never seems to notice. We might be reminded that someone we lost will no longer be sharing in our traditions or that your children won’t be home because they are celebrating with the ‘other’ parent. The holidays could remind us that we still don’t communicate with that estranged family member. There are SO MANY potential triggers!!!!!
Holidays ask us to remember, to feel, and to think about our relationships. The whole thing can leave you feeling frustrated, on edge, uncertain, depleted, disappointed, unappreciated, or lonely.
That said, what if we acknowledged that we are being negatively impacted by the holidays and allowed ourselves to just be aware without judgement???? I wonder if we considered being honest and open with ourselves, that some of the conflicting and negative feelings might decrease… just a bit??
AND… staying connected to others and not isolating is an absolute must during this challenging time. Tell someone if you are struggling and allow them to support you.
If you find yourself giving too much and feeling overwhelmed, see if you can allow yourself to NOT say yes. Notice what happens to you when you do this.
In addition here are a few simple tips that could support you this holiday season:
For a family gathering where you will be spending time with someone who typically challenges you or ignites difficult emotions, prepare a mantra or a simple saying that you can repeat to yourself when needed. It doesn’t need to be serious and no one needs to know what you are thinking. “I’m on a white sandy beach, my toes are in the sand, and the blue ocean is calm,” “Aunt Betty sat in a bowl of green jelly.” Something simple that you know will make you smile and recenter yourself so you aren’t drawn into a negative situation. Repeat the mantra to yourself whenever you feel triggered by that person.
If you find yourself feeling stretched too thin and exhausted because of all you are trying to get done for the holidays then consider what you can take off your plate. Maybe you can’t say no to a family gathering but you can say no to a gathering of acquaintances or a low key event that you know you aren’t going to enjoy. Conserve your energy so you can be fully present at the events that matter most to you.
Lastly, take some time for you and schedule it in to your busy life. It’s easy to make everyone else a priority and then YOU go to the bottom of your own ‘to do’ list. If it’s important for you to get some exercise then make that workout happen or take a walk with a friend. Treat yourself to an overpriced coffee, and actually sit down and drink it. Phone a friend, or hey, phone a therapist to talk some things through. No one will judge you or question you if you take some time out for yourself.
Warmly,
